Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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