your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
