I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
