Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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