My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
