just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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