when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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