Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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