We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
