Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
