I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
