those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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