I want to stick my p in your. b.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
