We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Green mimosas i think yes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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