What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
