I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
