The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
