Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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