smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
