its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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