Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
