just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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