at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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