There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
