I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
