i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
