Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
