They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dick very happy bro
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
