Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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