That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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