you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize