we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
