It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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