I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
