thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
