Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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