Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
