It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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