I want you more than these girls want KFC
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
