I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
