Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
