You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
