So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
