Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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