U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
