What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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