Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize