I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
