she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
