Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
