Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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