My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
