it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize