had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
