Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cut my penus on the lid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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