Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
