Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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