when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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