Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
