How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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