just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
