i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
