wat bout pragnant strippers??
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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