Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
