I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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