I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize